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County program available for custody transitions
By Ashley Vasquez
With the end of the school year approaching, divorced and separated parents need to plan ahead for summer visitation arrangements for their children and make sure the exchange is a positive experience, according to many local officials.
Smithville Police Chief Ken Wilson said a bad transition from one parent’s home to another’s could have devastating effects on a child.
“People tend to think that children are very resilient,” he said. “They can’t bounce back from everything. When you make mean remarks about your child’s other parent or even have inappropriate body language that sends them a message that they have done something wrong and they end up suffering in silence.”
Wilson said parents should be respectful and amicable to one another.
“Parents sometimes wonder why Johnny is now drinking or has run away and often situations like these help to put them there,” he said. “I know it can be really hard but you need to get along for the
sake of your children.”
Kris Jenkins, University of Missouri Extension human environmental sciences specialist, said in a release that flexibility was important when deciding whether children spend one long period or several short ones with the non-custodial parent. Jenkins also said parents should keep in mind the ages of the children, the length of time they can be gone and the other parent’s ability to care for them.
“Many children spend a month or six weeks, while other summer visitations are longer — especially if the parents live far apart,” Jenkins said in a release. “Sometimes, particularly as your children age, the plan doesn’t work or is difficult to accommodate, so be prepared to renegotiate.”
Jenkins also said parents should keep in mind their children’s health and safety as well as their adjustment to new long-term surroundings.
“All family members have fears and concerns about the visitation,” she said. “Children worry about how they will spend their time, the separation from friends, their acceptance by half or stepsiblings and their relationship with their other parent. Children often do not verbalize their worries or are not old enough to express them, but these worries still exist.”
If a positive exchange just isn’t possible, the Clay County Sheriff’s office has a special program to help. The Domestic Abuse Response Team has program called “Safe Exchange” allows parents to exchange their children without ever having to speak or even see each other.
Dep. Sheriff Tracy Wade said the program was ideal for parents that can’t communicate.
“One parent can bring the child into the safe environment while they wait in another area,” she said. “Then, the other parent can pick up the child and are given enough time to leave before the first parent is notified that they were picked up safely and can leave.”
The program is court-mandated for some parents but is open and free to anyone wanting to use it including residents of Platte and Ray counties. There are two safe exchange locations in Clay County. One is at the Clay County juvenile detention center in Liberty and the second is at a church located at 2121 Gentry in North Kansas City. The Liberty program is operational on Fridays and Sundays from 5 to 7 p.m. and the North Kansas City location is open on Wednesdays and Thursdays from 5 to 8 p.m.
“Children can pick up on so much especially the non-verbal language,” Wade said. “If you take that element completely away from the exchange you can immediately see the children respond better and do better. It is crucial that these exchanges are a positive experience for kids.”
Wade also highlighted that many people that have used the program have gone on to have safe exchanges on their own without the help of authorities.
“Often, people get to see how much better it is this way and after eight or 10 times coming to us can then do it on their own,” she said. “That is the ideal situation and we hope everyone can do that.”
Wade said she hoped other safe exchange locations could be opened in other Clay County communities.
“This really is an outstanding program that is good for children,” she said. “I hope we can expand in the future and that is our goal. If people are aware of the program and using it, then we can get even bigger and reach more people in need of this service.”
For more information about Clay County’s safe exchange program, call Mim Simpson at 736-8400.
TIPS TO EASE THE TRANSITION:
- Make summer vacation plans well in advance. Issues of duration, travel, rules, curfews, diet, medicines, etc., should explicitly agreed upon by parents in writing, if necessary.
- Discuss planned activities such as day or sports camps, swimming lessons, vacation destinations and other events with the children. Children who help make plans have something to look forward to and feel important and valued.
- Both parents have a role in preparing children for the summer ahead. The custodial parent can positively influence their children’s attitudes about the visit and the non-custodial parent can smooth the way through regular contact during the school year.
- Remember that children have a right to spend time with both parents.
- Remember that children have a right to love both parents.
Source: Kris Jenkins, University
of Missouri Extension human
environmental sciences specialist
Reporter Ashley Vasquez can be reached at 532-4444 or ashleyvasquez@npgco.com.
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Smithville Police Chief Ken Wilson said a bad transition from one parent’s home to another’s could have devastating effects on a child.
“People tend to think that children are very resilient,” he said. “They can’t bounce back from everything. When you make mean remarks about your child’s other parent or even have inappropriate body language that sends them a message that they have done something wrong and they end up suffering in silence.”
Wilson said parents should be respectful and amicable to one another.
“Parents sometimes wonder why Johnny is now drinking or has run away and often situations like these help to put them there,” he said. “I know it can be really hard but you need to get along for the
sake of your children.”
Kris Jenkins, University of Missouri Extension human environmental sciences specialist, said in a release that flexibility was important when deciding whether children spend one long period or several short ones with the non-custodial parent. Jenkins also said parents should keep in mind the ages of the children, the length of time they can be gone and the other parent’s ability to care for them.
“Many children spend a month or six weeks, while other summer visitations are longer — especially if the parents live far apart,” Jenkins said in a release. “Sometimes, particularly as your children age, the plan doesn’t work or is difficult to accommodate, so be prepared to renegotiate.”
Jenkins also said parents should keep in mind their children’s health and safety as well as their adjustment to new long-term surroundings.
“All family members have fears and concerns about the visitation,” she said. “Children worry about how they will spend their time, the separation from friends, their acceptance by half or stepsiblings and their relationship with their other parent. Children often do not verbalize their worries or are not old enough to express them, but these worries still exist.”
If a positive exchange just isn’t possible, the Clay County Sheriff’s office has a special program to help. The Domestic Abuse Response Team has program called “Safe Exchange” allows parents to exchange their children without ever having to speak or even see each other.
Dep. Sheriff Tracy Wade said the program was ideal for parents that can’t communicate.
“One parent can bring the child into the safe environment while they wait in another area,” she said. “Then, the other parent can pick up the child and are given enough time to leave before the first parent is notified that they were picked up safely and can leave.”
The program is court-mandated for some parents but is open and free to anyone wanting to use it including residents of Platte and Ray counties. There are two safe exchange locations in Clay County. One is at the Clay County juvenile detention center in Liberty and the second is at a church located at 2121 Gentry in North Kansas City. The Liberty program is operational on Fridays and Sundays from 5 to 7 p.m. and the North Kansas City location is open on Wednesdays and Thursdays from 5 to 8 p.m.
“Children can pick up on so much especially the non-verbal language,” Wade said. “If you take that element completely away from the exchange you can immediately see the children respond better and do better. It is crucial that these exchanges are a positive experience for kids.”
Wade also highlighted that many people that have used the program have gone on to have safe exchanges on their own without the help of authorities.
“Often, people get to see how much better it is this way and after eight or 10 times coming to us can then do it on their own,” she said. “That is the ideal situation and we hope everyone can do that.”
Wade said she hoped other safe exchange locations could be opened in other Clay County communities.
“This really is an outstanding program that is good for children,” she said. “I hope we can expand in the future and that is our goal. If people are aware of the program and using it, then we can get even bigger and reach more people in need of this service.”
For more information about Clay County’s safe exchange program, call Mim Simpson at 736-8400.
TIPS TO EASE THE TRANSITION:
- Make summer vacation plans well in advance. Issues of duration, travel, rules, curfews, diet, medicines, etc., should explicitly agreed upon by parents in writing, if necessary.
- Discuss planned activities such as day or sports camps, swimming lessons, vacation destinations and other events with the children. Children who help make plans have something to look forward to and feel important and valued.
- Both parents have a role in preparing children for the summer ahead. The custodial parent can positively influence their children’s attitudes about the visit and the non-custodial parent can smooth the way through regular contact during the school year.
- Remember that children have a right to spend time with both parents.
- Remember that children have a right to love both parents.
Source: Kris Jenkins, University
of Missouri Extension human
environmental sciences specialist
Reporter Ashley Vasquez can be reached at 532-4444 or ashleyvasquez@npgco.com.